Tonight I am artist in mourning. It is day 112 since isolation began and right now I feel the weight of it all. I feel the sadness and grief of losing what is so dear to me. Yes, I can dance on my own. I have my strength and health and my body to carry me through all of this. I have gotten used to it, to doing less, to being home more. I have gotten used to the dynamics of my family members although it isn’t always easy. I can’t remember the last time I had alone time (outside of my daily walks).
Today I am artist in mourning. It is day 360 since isolation began and I still feel the weight of it all. I feel the sadness and grief of losing what is so dear to me.
I don’t know the next time I will be on a stage or with groups of artists doing what we love. I don’t know when performances will begin or when I will feel that energy of a full theater.
I mourn the connection through bodies in shared space. I miss contact improvisation, feeling the shared weight, the energy of a dance in touch.
I miss the sensation of being able to travel across the floor in dance class, my favorite sensation.
I miss my students and the feeling of a full and embodied class.
In the coming months, I will miss the intimacy (dare I say it?) of sharing kinesthetic knowledge in close proximity.
So, today I mourn. Again. I am giving myself that.